Your Only Option: The Wabash Building

Will Dancer
Staff Reporter

In an attempt to keep Roosevelt students living in the Wabash building next year, Residence Life has laid out some of the exciting new opportunities available to students who return for the 2019-20 school year.

In a statement released by the university, “The money we’re getting from students living in the Bash is so exciting,” the statement said. “It allows us to be able to continue printing off copious amounts of paper to make Bash Bucks and health and safety check flyers… that’s really integral to the sense of social justice we try to instill here at Roosevelt.”

Adding to that, the reduced price for singles allows for the more affluent Roosevelt students to continue expressing their social anxieties as they please. With the added opportunity to rent an Xbox or PlayStation directly from the school, the ability to block out community has gotten even easier.

“Living in the Wabash Building is great because it helps build a strong sense of community. Students never have to go outside for class, and we now have a filtered water station on the 14th Floor! What more could you ask for?” President Malekzadeh said.

When asked about any potential difficulties that may arise when integrating next years freshmen, a Res Life spokesperson said, “We really want students feeling like they are welcomed here at the Wabash Building, but they must understand that prohibited items will be confiscated, floor meetings and meal plans are a requirement and having overnight guests will be unnecessarily regimented and complicated.”

Safety is always top priority at 425 S. Wabash Ave. therefore, Res Life has graciously added a few more precautions to ensure ultimate student comfort. For a school that’s had the reputation for being stingy in the past, this new initiative to add additional hazard items to the prohibited items list such as scissors, clothespins and superglue has put many a worried mind at ease.

“These newly banned items are just as harmful to student safety as fairy lights and lava lamps are, so it was really a no brainer for us to add them to the list,” Res Life’s statement read.

Yep, there has never been a better time than now to desperately salvage together a living arrangement at the Wabash Building.

Categories: Recent Posts, The Scorch

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