Torch office moves to alleyway

By Rachel Popa
Managing Editor

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The new home of your student newspaper. Photo by Florent Lamoureux

In the midst of moving from the Gage building to the Auditorium building, where the Torch’s new office would be came into question. While the Torch office was originally moved to Aud 374, the student newspaper was forced to move again after it was determined that a new student lounge was scheduled to be put in the room instead, according to a source within the university. The plans for the lounge include a smoothie bar and a frozen yogurt stand. According to a source within the marketing department, the new amenities are being put in to better appeal to incoming Gen X students.

“Having organic gelato and smoothies will really improve the university’s brand,” the source said.

A new space for the Torch office has yet to be determined, forcing the staff to take up residence in the alleyway next to the university. Last week, the movers finished moving the computers and the staff’s microwave to the alley.

“At least it keeps the rain out,” said one editor sitting on a crate using a cardboard box as a desk. “The papers are delivered here in the alley, so it’s convenient to be here to pick them up.”

When asked about when a space indoors would be prepared for the Torch, university officials said that they’re hard at work preparing another office space.

“We’re hoping to have an office arranged for the Torch by the end of next semester. That’s an approximate timeline,” a university official said.

A Torch editor questioned why the newspaper couldn’t be moved to one of the many empty dorms in Wabash, but the university had its reasons.

“We had a couple prospective students pull out of on-campus housing,” the official said. “We’re holding out hope that they’re going to change their mind and coming back. We’re really confident they’ll come back.”

According to an inside source within Residence Life, the university is also keeping rooms reserved so that they can be converted into high-end luxury studios.

“We still have to keep some rooms open for faculty offices, but we’re hoping that the money spent converting the rooms will help pay back the debt, even though the cost for luxury fixtures is quite substantial.”

When asked if the money would be better allocated for student scholarships and paying down the debt, the residence life official clapped back.

“Well, you have to spend money to make money,” he said. “That’s worked out well for us so far.”

When reporting this story, it was observed that some faculty members had moved into their new dorm-offices due to the rising cost of transportation, and stagnant faculty wages. As of the writing of this article, the Torch staff is still working from the alleyway.

*This is an article from the Scorch, the annual satire issue of the Torch*

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