By Lauren Grimaldi
In an unprecedented turn of events, the elevators in the Auditorium Building of Roosevelt University worked without issue for an entire week.
Miss Terry Source, senior Vice President of elevator management at Roosevelt, expressed deep happiness over this very unusual occurrence.
“This week has been a whirlwind for me, quite honestly. I never thought we would be able to achieve this,” Source said. “It certainly seems as if there is a problem with these things every day.”
Source noted that she has been having a rough go of it lately in her personal life following her divorce from Case O’Stairs.
This momentous occasion was felt deeply by the student body, as well. A student told The Torch that he could not believe his eyes when he walked into the building to see that the elevators were indeed still working.
“I was all like oh my God, no way!” the student said. “I usually pass out on the staircase before even making it to class or end up being a disgusting, sweaty, out of breath mess as I walk in the room.
One of my friends even dropped out of school mid staircase climb because she decided her degree just wasn’t worth the effort it takes to walk up these darn stairs. If only she were around to see this!”